I’ve had some mean sugar cravings and I wish I could say I didn’t give in. What I can say is I didn’t give in to ALL of them. I saw a place I would’ve been week and just didn’t go there. God is giving me strength to not give up even though if I fail to do it perfectly. Today the devotion I was reading was all about laying something on the alter. It reminded me that we need to feel what we are laying on the alter. Sugar and treats ……yeah I’m missing them, and I’m not REAL big on sweets, but apparently they have a bigger hold on me then I thought. There was a time tonight that I’m finding hard to put in words but I will try.
as I was sitting with David we began to discus money matters. At one point I felt VERY vulnerable and undone I felt that I was not safe. David could see me back away and I was like out of there. I felt like he was disappointed in me. The hurt began to bubble up inside me so I ran to my office and began to press in to Jesus (I sang to Him) I told Him to show me what I was going through and help me go all the way. As I kept singing and praying He showed me the fear in my heart. He showed me that I’m afraid to be all the way real with David. I do desire to be fully who I am with David too. So I asked God to help me. There are things I have kept David out of that he desires to be part of. There is a part of money that I wanted to hide from him so I could do what I want. In this time I am aware that I do this also with Daddy God. David would buy me any thing I wanted if he could. He loves to please me. God is not with holding any thing good from me. Those are 2 truths I need to really look at.
Daddy God Thank you so much for revealing my heart to me. Thank you also for the sweet time with you. You are so gentle with me. It is my desire to honor you and my husband It is not my desire to hide from you ….or my husband. Thank you for the strength to keep moving forward so I can be all you’ve created me to be. This fast is something you have asked me to do I know it will bring about amazing things in my life. As I hunger I’m reminded to hunger for your word and your Presence.
This fast is laying down any thing that is not needed for my body to sustain life.